I’ve decided that I have to give up breastfeeding. I’m really sad about that but there isn’t much I can do about it. My milk supply has diminished and it dosen’t look like I can get it back (believe me, I’ve been trying…And I’m heartbroken that I can’t.) I don’t even get let down feeling much anymore. Maybe one time out of every three or four times I try to breastfeed her. I feel like a failure. I wanted to breastfeed her for a year, but I guess it just wasn’t in the stars for me to do something like that.

But I have to look on the bright side. Not breastfeeding, means I have more leeway with what I do when it comes to my diet and exercise and my weight loss, right? And that’s a good thing. At least I would think so….  I could get back on track for all of my modeling stuff. I’m really excited about that…I swear, I really am….I think I could do it.

I just need to put that maternal instinct to have another baby right away, back in check. After all, it’s better to wait two years between pregnancies anyways, right? And this way i could work like hell to get everything promoted and based on some experience I’ve had before in marketing…I could do really well. I really do.

And pretty soon I’m going to start selling designer handbags for cash. I quit my other job…Don’t even ask. -lol- So I’m excited about this new one. It looks like it’d be a lot of fun, don’t you think?

So…My goal is to do my pilates video at least four times a week, but preferably EVERY day. Right? Sounds like a plan. That’s a 45 minute workout. That would do wonders!  Ha ha ha! I’m soooo freaking excited.

Sammi

My problem is that I stay at home, and I take care of the baby and pretty much do nothing all day. I procrastinate a lot, especially when I get depressed. I tend to just forget everything, and if I don’t forget, I just stop caring all together.

So on my computer, I made a chart on excell that has the days of the week across the top, and everything I need to do, down the side. If I do it, I can check it off. If I do twice as much, I can check it twice, if I do it three times as much I can check it three times, Get the picture? But I have to do each thing at least once.

Here’s what I have to do.

But yeah…That’s my plan…Hopefully it works. Today is day one.

I have a digital scale, and it’s 6lbs off (I figured that out by going to the doctor and the scale at the gym..and it’s depressing) but anyways, it sucks…Because I don’t want to be this size. I want to be skinny and pretty again! AGH! It sucks majorly. Oh well.

Starting midnight, I’m going to do better.

I’m going to put a calendar on my door to help me keep track.

I took photos in a bikini for the first time since I had her and I just about cried….I want to change that…i want to get tone, formed, and back into modeling, as dumb as it sounds.

Any support is appreciated.